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So, how are you all doing? Limbo is the best word I can find to describe my current mood. I’m feeling like I want to get back out into the world, socially-distancing of course, but yet, something is holding me back. All the things I missed during lockdown like eating out, shopping and getting my nails done are all back open, but yet, I haven’t done any.
For the past 6 months, the only places I have really been are farm shops, I love a local shop filled with fresh produce, the garden centre, and that one and only trip to the supermarket, which probably traumatised me forever, thank god for my husband and online deliveries finally reaching out to where we live.
My husband bless him thinks I’m a little silly with my crazy and uncontrollable anxiety, but the waves of anxiety when venturing out sometimes make me feel so ill. I know it is silly, yet I can’t control it. I find I spend a lot of time waiting in the car. Crazy right.
Limbo – In an uncertain or undecided state or condition.
But it isn’t just about getting out and about, it is also about finding a new way to work from home, which sounds strange coming from someone who has worked from home for the past 10 years. Before I had a semi-schedule, I worked in the morning, I played in the afternoon, whether it was off to a cafe, meeting up with friends, shooting content, reading or watching a movie, and then there were the days I would pop into London for meetings and events.
Now, as I share my home working space with my husband, it seems I spend too much time worrying at my desk. Mostly worrying about the fact I don’t work as much as him. I have found recently that in the afternoon I just potter, while sitting at my desk, I’ve lost my creative mojo, which obviously came from living life.
I think that’s the thing, while I’ve loved some aspects of lockdown, more garden time, making the house all homely, I’ve also stopped living.
Sounds a little dramatic doesn’t it, and I know this isn’t a permanent situation, but I also realise that I need to do more to create a ‘new normal’, whatever that may be to make things easier for myself. But how to do that is another dilemma in itself.
I’m thinking small steps. A picnic with friends. A socially-distanced dog walk. Meeting for a takeaway cup of tea at the beach.
The thought of getting a train into London, or stepping on any form of public transport still fills me with a little fear, I think it will be sometime yet before I embrace more than just staying local.
One thing I have realised though is that I have to start giving myself a break, if I’m not ready, then fine, putting extra pressure on myself is probably making me feel worse.
Anyone else still feeling a little in limbo?
Outfit: ‘Daisy’ Cambridge Satchel Company Bag [AD-PR Product/Aff link] // Morris & Co x H&M Skirt *old collaboration* // Emu sandals [AD-PR Product]- similar style Eve Stinger [Ad-Aff Link] // Hat – Mango // T-Shirt – Primark // Bracelet – Bill Skinner //
